Every now and then I have a rough day when I am really missing Risa. Today was one of those days. The songs sung at her funeral have been forever changed in my heart. There is new depth and meaning and emotion attached to them and I can't hardly listen to them without tears coming down my cheek. One of these songs is the one Risa specifically requested that Reana sing at her funeral. She asked two or three times. No one recorded Reana singing it but I found a version on youtube that I listen to now and then. I have no idea who these ladies are and I'm sure they'd be a little creeped out that I'm stocking them. But when I listen to this song I can just feel what Risa must have been feeling during that time in her life. Reana used to play it on the piano and sing it now and then. I remember Risa was spending a lot of time in her room and had started to withdraw from us and the things of this world. She was in constant pain and mentioned several times that she was at peace with death. When I listen to this song I close my eyes and I can feel what she must have felt, laying in her room upstairs while Reana sang it downstairs, unaware. What a song! No wonder she wanted it sung at her funeral. It expressed the deepest wishes of her heart. I can see her so clearly, laying there, soaking in the peace that only the Spirit can bring in the deepest of pain and most troubling times. Sweet, pure Risa. Instead of anger and bitterness at her constant suffering, her heart was filled with the sweetest desires. Today while I was driving I was thinking about her and it hit me that her desires are being fulfilled now.
Oh That I Were an Angel (listen here)
"Oh that I were an angel, and could have the wish of mine heart, that I might go forth and speak with the trump of God, with a voice to shake the earth, and cry repentance unto every people!
"Yea, I would declare unto every soul, as with the voice of thunder, repentance and the plan of redemption, that they should repent and come unto our God, that there might not be more sorrow upon all the face of the earth.
"But behold, I am but a man, and do sin in my wish; for I ought to be content with the things which the Lord hath allotted unto me.
"I ought not to harrow up in my desires the firm decree of a just God, for I know that he granteth unto men according to their desires, whether it be unto death or unto life; yea, I know that he allotteth unto men, yea, decreeth unto them decrees which are unalterable, according to their wills, whether they be unto salvation or unto destruction."
Alma 29:1-4
This is a beautiful post, Rachel. And so full of the spirit of Risa! I was missing her today, too. Especially when I went to bed last night and woke up this morning. It's hard to be thankful that she died, but it fills me with peace and love when I am thankful that she is free from the pains of the flesh. She's been granted the wish of her heart.
ReplyDeleteI second what Railee said. It's amazing to me how at peace Risa was despite everything she went through. It almost makes me want to cry picturing Risa alone in her room withdrawn from the world. But it is comforting to know that she was close to the spirit and was at peace.
ReplyDeleteI really miss her; especially after watching the video of you girls singing and after reading this post about her. Not to mention the picture of Railee and Risa embracing. Oh my goodness. That is such a precious memory.
Thank you so much for posting this. :)