Oh that I were an angel

Every now and then I have a rough day when I am really missing Risa. Today was one of those days. The songs sung at her funeral have been forever changed in my heart. There is new depth and meaning and emotion attached to them and I can't hardly listen to them without tears coming down my cheek. One of these songs is the one Risa specifically requested that Reana sing at her funeral. She asked two or three times. No one recorded Reana singing it but I found a version on youtube that I listen to now and then. I have no idea who these ladies are and I'm sure they'd be a little creeped out that I'm stocking them. But when I listen to this song I can just feel what Risa must have been feeling during that time in her life. Reana used to play it on the piano and sing it now and then. I remember Risa was spending a lot of time in her room and had started to withdraw from us and the things of this world. She was in constant pain and mentioned several times that she was at peace with death. When I listen to this song I close my eyes and I can feel what she must have felt, laying in her room upstairs while Reana sang it downstairs, unaware. What a song! No wonder she wanted it sung at her funeral. It expressed the deepest wishes of her heart. I can see her so clearly, laying there, soaking in the peace that only the Spirit can bring in the deepest of pain and most troubling times. Sweet, pure Risa. Instead of anger and bitterness at her constant suffering, her heart was filled with the sweetest desires. Today while I was driving I was thinking about her and it hit me that her desires are being fulfilled now.

Oh That I Were an Angel (listen here)

"Oh that I were an angel, and could have the wish of mine heart, that I might go forth and speak with the trump of God, with a voice to shake the earth, and cry repentance unto every people!
  "Yea, I would declare unto every soul, as with the voice of thunder, repentance and the plan of redemption, that they should repent and come unto our God, that there might not be more sorrow upon all the face of the earth.
 "But behold, I am but a man, and do sin in my wish; for I ought to be content with the things which the Lord hath allotted unto me.
"I ought not to harrow up in my desires the firm decree of a just God, for I know that he granteth unto men according to their desires, whether it be unto death or unto life; yea, I know that he allotteth unto men, yea, decreeth unto them decrees which are unalterable, according to their wills, whether they be unto salvation or unto destruction."

Alma 29:1-4

Take Luck

I'm used to doing crazy things. Not everyone can get away with the crazy things I do, but I just happen to have this amazing luck power, which follows me around wherever I go. Had just anyone else decided to leave their $22/hour job and every person they know to drive across 7 states and end in Lawrence, Indiana (hick capitol of the world) they would have never had the luck I encountered almost from the start.

For instance, just on the drive over I was lucky enough to have someone give me free gas! That's right, no charge! This was probably because my headlights had gone out at the same time I ran out of gas in the middle of the night hours from anything but road and tumble weeds. The guy just happened to have a fuse which he also gave me for free. Free gas! Free fuse! I watched with pity as all those other cars zoomed right on by us, heading for their destinations without getting anything free at all!

The next day, while leaving Utah, luck surrounded me with about 6 hot guys who seemed to have no other interest than asking me questions about myself. How are you feeling? What can I do for you? Would you like some burn cream on that? This was probably because my Toyota Corolla kept over heating under the weight of a trailer filled with all the things I've been lucky enough to accumulate. While pulled over to the side of the road I was unscrewing the radiator cap when, luckily, I remembered that you should never do that to a hot car just as boiling hot radiator fluid sprayed all over my face and hand. It only took an hour for the paramedics to see the sign "Help! Need ice for a burn!" I could feel the burn going deeper and deeper into my face and I was having images of burn victims. I wondered if I would arrive in Indiana looking like a civilian of Pompeii. But of course I forgot to remember that I am lucky. And I watched the flesh on my hand bubble and ooze while my face just looked a little sunburned. With a little luck, some aloe vera gel and a bucket of ice water to plunge my hand into I was well on my way.

Now if you'd heard that someone had found an apartment to rent on craigslist and had never actually been there to see the area or if the place actually existed you might think it could be disastrous. But it's me! Yes the place exists and yes the neighbors are super friendly and helpful! Especially the registered sex offender whose bedroom window is directly across from mine. I thought about making a tin can telephone across windows so we could stay up late talking. Not two hours after I had arrived, one of the other neighbors was helping me get my power back on because I had blown a fuse when I plugged in my curling iron at the same time I had my bathroom light on. Silly me. He was so willing to break in to the neighbors apartment (where my fuse box is kept) and assured me he had done it many times before. As he was precariously sliding through one of the windows he discovered a beehive, which could have put a wrench in our plans, but luckily he was only stung 5 times before reaching the fuse box.

You might think that moving to a new state, where I know no one would be lonely. Incorrect. There is "naked neighbor", a beer bellied, toothless alcoholic who is always inviting me over for a drink. There are the "suppliers" who keep a steady stream of traffic in and out of their apartment. They always greet me with a smile and a "hello beautiful." There are Karla and Danny (both alcoholics) who are total sweethearts and love to share their free government food with me. They assure me of two things: 1. They will always be wasted after 6:00pm and 2. If anyone breaks in to my apartment at night I can call out my window to them for help. Then there is Karla's ex-boyfriend (also an alcoholic) who somehow got my phone number. Our conversation went something like this:

Me: Hello?

Ex: Is Karla there?

Me: No this is Rachel's phone.

Ex: Oh... You got a sexy voice.

Me: Okay

Ex: I wanna see you. Don't you live next door to Karla? I bet you're a looker.

Me: No, actually I'm really ugly. I'm really fat and I only have one leg.

Ex: That's alright. I like one legged girls. I wanna see you.

Me: I don't think my boyfriend would like that. He has a gun.

Ex: I don't care. I'll kick his a**!

Me: Okay. Well I'll tell Karla you called. Bye now.

Ex: Okay. Bye.

If you are not convinced of my amazing luck this'll do it. In the first 3 months of living in Indiana I have seen 4 car accidents, one, the car flipped upside down right in front of me, two were hit and runs and I watched them actually run away and only one of those accidents actually hit me. If you think about the odds, that's pretty lucky!

I don't think the world wide web is quite ready to hear about the truely, take-the-cake lucky things that have happened to me since moving to Indiana. Perhaps I'll dedicate a future entry to those events after time as softened things. The question I am most often asked is, "Why did you move to Indiana?" I usually take that as a hypothetical question and just stare deeply into space nodding my head, "Mmmm...".