I was just reading Gary's blog and laughing at his cleverness when a faint memory of me writing a blog came to mind. After visiting my lonely and forlorn blog I realized I have written, not one, but THREE blog entries! How like me to read through something I wrote and not remember writing a single syllable. That must be why life is still so fresh and exciting to me! It;s because I can't remember a pickin' thing!
I have 3 more weeks of school. When I think about graduating I picture myself in a desert crawling on my stomach over a sandy hill, the sun beating down on me, sweat dripping into my eyes blurring my vision and stinging. My lips are cracked and dry and I feel like my stomach is eating itself. In the distance, and just almost out of view there is an ocean. Yup, that's what I picture. What could that possibly mean?
Once I graduate the next step is to take AND pass the NCLEX. It is the most intense test! I mean, I had to get fingerprinted and provide 3 references just to apply to take it. All through school I have had to learn 2 answers to every question. We learn what the real life answer is and then we learn what the answer on the NCLEX would be. This is because a whole bunch of health professionals sit in a room and imagine the perfect world. They then think up nursing questions for that perfect world. They do this because, like the rest of the health world, they don't want to get sued. Avoiding a lawsuit is the underlying motivation for EVERYTHING in healthcare. Sure you want the patient to be safe and not get hurt more, but not because you care. Oh no... It's because they might sue you if they live through whatever you have done or their family will sue you if they die.
Of course I've been around enough empathetic nurses to know that they are out there. My inspiration for going into this field was Florence Nightingale. Now she is an amazing woman! Not only was she just full of empathy and charity, but she also held a higher standard of care. She knew that more soldiers were dying from the conditions of the hospitals than were dying in battle. She changed the way the world views healthcare, microbiology, chemistry, epidemiology and especially the way they viewed nurses. The first time I heard about her I was about 10 and my grandma Whitaker brought a cartoon about her life. I connect so much with her empathy for the suffering. I feel that for every patient I work with. Sometimes I actually physically hurt in my chest for them. I want nothing more than to ease their suffering or, at least, brighten their day. People tell me that over time I will get calloused but I don't think that has to happen. I am convinced that without empathy, Nightingale never would have been able to make the kinds of changes she did.
Now why did I decide to write another blog when I am sure to forget it ever happened and after so long? It's a mystery. But there are lots of things I do that I don't understand. For instance, just now I ate two pop tarts. Why did I do this? Economically it makes no sense. Their marginal utility was lost about 4 boxes ago and their cost (getting fat and feeling sick) is too great. You see? A mystery...
